This is so hard. I'm sad.

Things have gotten very difficult at my house. My DD is doing marginally better already in school, but her behavior and anger toward me has seemed to increase and I worry that she really is very depressed. I have been trying to get a referral to a good child psychologist or family therapist, but this small town shit sucks. I don't know who in the nearby big cities yet, either.

I basically feel like I have failed my daughter and that I am really not much use to her now because I am basically totally frozen not knowing what to do next. Because I can hardly focus on anything but her, my son doesn't get much from me, either. I just haven't felt this depressed and so much anxiety in a long time. I have a call in to a couple of therapists maybe to get through this time, and hope to get in somewhere soon. Sure, I could get my doctor to put me back on Zoloft (which I was on with PPD after DS), but we have problems that I need to be completely emotionally present for right now and I never felt like I was on Zoloft. Things evened out, but mostly flatlined. I cry almost daily because I feel so powerless and so depressed that I don't know if I can help her.

To make matters worse, my cat has never gotten better for all of the things I have tried (allergy eliminations, etc) and continues to scratch herself up to infection. We finally had no choice but to get her declawed, and she is in there today getting that done, which makes me so so so sick to my stomach. Yes, she's an inside cat, and yes, we have to stop her from being able to really hurt herself, but I never in a zillion years thought I'd agree to letting them do this to my cat. My heart hurts over it...and she's a cat.

I am just in a really, really bad place right now and I guess I just cannot see the light just yet.

Okay, this is the second time!

A while back, a girl hit my child in class and no one in the school bothered to tell me about it. I had to hear it from a parent.

Well. THAT SAME PARENT said to me today "oh, did you know that your DD kissed a boy in class and got in trouble?"

Uh, uhhhhh come again? When did this happen? Oh, last week? Wow, yeah, NO I didn't hear about it. TYVM

So, I asked her about it and of course she wants to know where I heard it. I told her a parent. She said that it is true and her friend dared her to do it and the boy was embarrassed by it and she was made to apologize by the school guidance counselor (same one who didn't tell me about the hitting incident). He told her that he wouldn't be telling her mother about it.

I guess they figure it's her issue, but GODDAMN IT, I want the opportunity to talk to my daughter about it after the fact at the very least.

She said that because HE told her he wouldn't tell, that she thought he was saying that SHE shouldn't.

I AM PISSED!

Yeah, that's me. Great pic, eh?