The Flight from Hell

We went to London and on to Paris over Christmas...11 days. It was a wonderful trip, but I would like to discuss the flight home from Paris.

For some reason, the flight back from Paris was about 8.5 hours! The flight into London was only a little over 5 hours...and it only took us about 2 and a half hours by train to Paris from London...so we weren't expecting such a long flight home.

2 y.o. DS started getting sick, like with a cold, in Paris a couple of days before we were to return home. He had a fever when we got onto the airplane, but I had picked up some Tylenol equivalent at a pharmacy the day before we left, so I gave him that. It seemed to help, but the fever spiked up again and he was fussy.

He was sitting on me when I realized that he had vomited on me. Not that cute baby spit up, but full on smelly vomit. He kept doing it and I got up and ran for the back of the plane where the restrooms were. We were in the very first row behind first class, so that was a very long sprint! LOL I was holding his head into my chest because I was scared he was going to vomit on someone else on the way back. When we got into the bathroom, I pressed the call button and an attendant came. I told her what was going on and she told me that she would get me a biohazard kit and I could try to clean up with that.

DH came with a change of clothes for Jordan and took him back to his seat. But...we hadn't brought a change of clothes for me on board...it was all in our checked luggage so that we could "travel light" on the way home. It just never occurred to me that *I* would need clothes during the flight. My entire top was covered and my whole lap. The flight attendant brought me CLUB SODA AND GAUZE to clean it up. As I wiped at it, I started to cry. How the hell was I going to get this out? And what would I do afterward? Was the smell going to come out? Is there somewhere I could sit that the smell wouldn't bother anyone? I took off my jeans and realized that even my underwear were soaked with it! Ugh! So I took those off, too. And here I am standing in the airplane bathroom completely naked from the waist down! Oh, and with just a bra on. Luckily that was somehow dry. And another lucky thing is that DH was wearing a tee shirt under his sweater, so I put on his tee shirt. But still, I was desperate because I knew I couldn't put my pants back on, it was too gross! At this point, I am SOBBING in the restroom because I am tired and stressed out and, well, naked.

I got a grip and looked around the bathroom (not much to look at, very small) and saw a blue folded up paper from the biohazard kit, a nice dark blue and big enough to wrap into a SKIRT! It was exactly like the paper that you put over your lap when you're getting an OB exam...except it was a pretty dark blue LOL. So I figured my only chance of leaving the bathroom and not spending the next 4.5 hours in it was to try to make the best of the blue paper. So I wrapped it around me and tucked it under and with a blanket around my shoulders, I walked back to my seat in the plane. And there I sat for the next 4 or so hours in a paper skirt, with nothing underneath! LOL

Oh no, the story is not over...So the plane lands in Washington DC and I am thinking "how am I going to get off this plane and through customs with a paper skirt on?" I needed to put more on. Maybe use a United blanket as a wrap? So we sit in our seats until every last passenger is off of the plane, so I can make a dash back to the bathroom and create my new outfit. Then all of the flight attendants are gawking at me, including one man. I make it to the bathroom, wrap up the blanket into a skirt and we leave the plane. I can only imagine the laugh the attendants are having after this.

The best part is that Morgan is saying "Mooooom! I can't believe you did this" and "why do you have to wear a blanket for a skirt?" through the airport, as if I am enjoying myself. We make it through customs and I run into the bathroom. Since we have to get our bags and recheck them for the flight to NC, Adam is able to pick out a pair of jeans and panties for me and Morgan brings them to the bathroom. I put them on. Now, low rise jeans don't normally go with high waisted panties, but at this point, who am I to complain? I put my jacket on and we get on the plane to NC.

And for our smelly clothes, well, DS's adorable Hanna outfit and my favorite jeans & tee shirt are in some garbage bin in a pink biohazard bag as we speak...