Sunday, March 20, 2005

Shake that A--- with a Baby on your hip...

School dances...what's the point? Especially in Elementary school?

Here's how it goes:
Part 1
DD: Mom, there's a dance at school this Friday
Mom: A dance? At your school?
DD: Yes, everyone is going, can I go, too?
Mom: Hmmph, well, I will talk to your Dad about it and I'll let you know.

Part 2
Mom: Hey, Morgan says there's a dance at school on Friday night, she wants to go.
Dad: A dance? At her school?
Mom: Yeah, and I think we should let her go, but I will stay there, too.
Dad: Oh yes, she'll love that.
Mom: Well, she's 9 and if she doesn't want me to go, she can stay home, too. I am not comfortable dumping her off at the school at night for this thing.
Dad: Okay then...

Part 3
Mom: Hey, Dad and I talked and you can go to the dance on Friday
DD: I can?
Mom: Yes, and I will be going with you, it'll be fun, huh?
DD: Uhh, yes.
Mom: K then...

Part 4
DD: Dad, can you go to the dance with me?
Dad: Well, that's nice, thanks for asking, no.
DD: Why?
Mom: I think it's more of a mom/dd thing. < translation- DH is worried that he might be labeled a perv for going to an elementary school dance and lurking around in the corners, plus, he doesn't like to talk to people>

Okay, so Friday comes up and we buy new shoes to go with her Easter dress for the dance, which she begged me to let her wear.

Dance time!~ We get there and I can hear the music all the way around the front of the school. I assumed it would be boom box and punch. No, they have a DJ, very very loud DJ.

We walk in to crazy lights, very dark...DD sees friends and I nudge her to go talk to them. I sit in a chair on the side of the gym. There are a few parents in another corner, but the only chaperones are taking money and marking hands at the door. Oh yeah, we paid $3 to get into this shindig.

Kids are running around, wild. The ages range from about 6 to 12. Insanity to the max! Screaming, running. Then, a slow song. I feel my heart in my throat and I notice a girl and a boy couple dancing...only ONE. I am so glad when that song is over, whew!

DD is oblivious and following her loudmouth friend in and out of the girls restroom and around the dance. I notice some of the older girls FREAK DANCING, ,yes, FREAK is still apparently done. My eyes start getting dry from trying to keep them open ONLY. I want to see where my kid is...every second. I am starting to get into the music, though, they are actually playing a few songs I know, C'mon ride the train, ride it...yes, loving THIS at an elementary school dance... Play that funky music, white boy...then...all of a sudden...

C'mon boy shake that ass, oops I mean girl girl girl girl...
Someone's gonna touch my's the elementary school dance on a Friday night. I wish someone had taken a photo of the look that MUST have been on my face. See, I know this song because I admittedly have an undercover soft spot for Eminem's songs. I don't, however, listen to them in front of my children. I have been known to crank it up in the car on a rare occassion that I am driving without the kids, delighted that it's not all Raffi and Berkner for a few minutes, yeah, okay.

But at an elementary school dance? Oh hell nahhh...and in case you are not sure what I am all getting my panties in a bunch over, here are the complete lyrics to the song...

At the very end, after the obligatory "Sweet Home Alabama" (hi, we live in NC, though, guys!), they played something called "Redneck Woman", a song in which a woman sounds quite proud to be a redneck, not no high class broad, she stands in her yard with a baby on her hip...I am so thrilled that there are songs like this out there. Our kids need MORE inspiration to be "rednecks" and elementary school children with "babies on their hip". GAH!!

Anyway, I was sick by the end of the evening and couldn't WAIT to get home!!!